Where do I begin? I feel for Lauren, truly I do. She had 5 babies with the man and was with him from the time she was in her early twenties. A couple of things jump at me about Rohan and his Brazilian fiancee. First, how did L-Boogie have 5 (FIVE) kids with a man and not get married. It's true that you can't make anyone do anything, especially if they don't want to, but after 2 kids why not put a cap on it, literally. Birth control works and we have many options. When did she see that he had no interest in marrying her and say to herself I need to pause on having more children until my relationship is stable and progressing. Maybe she had no interest in marriage, but personally I'm not buying that one. The stories about his cheating and her unknown personal issues have all been public. For a while there it seemed maybe she had some sort of breakdown. And yes, individuals and relationships have their ups and downs, but those two managed to make five children through it all. But my broader questions are: what does this shituation represent for other black women at-large and have we totally stopped questioning what is our worth as women?
Marriage brings certain legal rights that baby mama-ism just doesn't, for the father and the mother. For a man, becoming a father is a matter of sex that led to a pregnancy. Now whether he wants to enter the role of daddy is a whole other matter. But when a man decides to marry a woman he is committing to stand by her and their children through anything, take an oath before God and enter a legally binding contract with her. Husbands and fathers are actually willing to face death to protect their wives and children. It's not a role for punks as real men know.
Women need to think hard and long before they take sexual chances with a man that may not be there for them and his seeds. And a man shouldn't toy with a woman's body and bring five souls into this world and not want to honor them with his last name and claiming the mother as his wife. That's just me. Have we become baby makers for brothers while they give their commitment, loyalty and hearts to other women? Why aren't we looking out more for ourselves and for the futures of our children. Sex is a splendiforous thing, but I think sometimes you need to deny yourself that pleasure until you feel safe and know as best you can just who you're connecting to. There's just too much mattress diving going on today and women and girls thinking they're as emotionless and detached as guys are. Deciding to have sex with someone is always a leap of faith but we need to get as much information about who it actually is we're bonding with up front. Questions about his values, what he gives most of his attention to, measuring his actual behavior with his talk and how he views women and relationships are just starters. Because you are connecting, and not just physically. Oxytocin can have you stuck on some dude 2 years later who may not be worth shit, but you could still be wondering about his sorry ass because he sweated on your belly and held you afterwards.
It has just started to feel like sisters have become little more than breeders for the black race, and I hope my feelings are wrong because we offer so much more. And if so, some of that is our fault. Given our low marriage rate and baby mama syndrome, is it just that our men seem to think we're good enough to have their babies but not good enough to be their wives? Or do we just do too damn much while not expecting them to do or offer much in return.
Now you know I have to address race because it is what it is. I'm sure that 2 people of different races can and do fall in love and it have nothing to do with anything but love. Great. But Rohan Marley chose to marry a blue-eyed Brazilian that doesn't look Rasta. There used to be an old saying that "Black men talk black, sleep white and marry light". Well that game seems to have changed recently because many of them aren't even marrying light anymore, they're going straight outside to marry Asian, White or Hispanic women. As if the coveted light-skinned black woman isn't cutting it anymore. Have Black women become so disposable by our men?
If nothing else I wish Lauren the best in charging ahead with her life as a woman, a mother and an artist. And I hope her very public life serves as a conversation piece for Black women around motherhood, wifehood, sex and relationships (or "relationshits" as they can sometimes be).
Just needed to post this video for anyone who hasn't seen the amazing Annette Larkins of Miami, Florida. At 70 years old she is a stellar example of how graceful and elegant we can all age. If you notice her neck, skin and muscle tone in the video, tell tale signs for a woman's age, she literally looks at least 30 years her junior. And let's not even talk about her body: she resembles a video girl with her tiny waist and shapely figure. Now being born an African-descended woman has its benefits as many of us know the old adage "good black don't crack", but it took lots of hard, consistent work to get to where she's at. Yes, her melanin rich skin was a good head start but not enough to attain her youthful appearance into her seventh decade.
To start, she is a raw foodie, which I've tried many times (Big Ups to Raw Soul in Harlem, NY www.rawsoul.com), and has been living vibrantly from a diet that includes mung beans, raw food and juices for the last 27 years. Raw foods maintain the enzymes that give us energy and vitality, and at least for her have stopped the aging clock. But I think her outlook on life, confidence and willingness to go for whatever she wants has enabled her to grow gracefully as well. A life with regrets and stagnation are not conducive to good physical health. Spiritual growth and grace are also essential as we age and it looks like she has that in abundance. We don't need expensive gym memberships, plastic surgery, fad diets or "anti-aging" cremes. I've never understood that marketing term, really the only thing that is "anti-aging" is dying because we're aging every day. If we're not aging then we're dead, right? But a commitment to lifestyle changes that include a vegetable and fruit dense diet, exercise (triathalon level fitness isn't required), a devotion to inner peace and balance and an inquisitive mind can get us close to where she is. I can't say that I would soley consume a raw food diet, but I'm definitely going to incorporate more of it in my diet at least on a weekly basis. I may even take a raw food cooking course so I can make some favorite recipes at home. Thank you to Ms. Larkins for being an inspiration of what positive aging can be.
You know I just posted my gratitude to David Banner for his insight on the Trayvon Martin case just last nite. I find out today that after those comments, he said that hip hop artists don't have an obligation to speak about Trayvon Martin, but do have an obligation to make hit songs.
I mean damn!! Just when I thought there was an unafraid brother in the industry. Was this about his need to keep the love with the rest of his rap cohorts that don't stand up for sh*t, or was he scurrrred after realizing he said some powerful stuff and wanted to quiet down the masses. I mean all that money they make collectively and the threat they pose to the mainstream when they have something to say that is serious is power. Because nobody really likes a serious Black man-not even other Black men. Keep making & playing plantation shit about your sexual verility, your luxury items, your condos and cognac so nobody has to deal with the broke ass community that produced your celebrated behind. He was my hip hop hero until I read that shit.
Where was Talib Kweli, Lupe Fiasco, Common, Mos Def, hell KRS-1? Where the fuck are yall at? Your sons and daughters are watching.
It has taken me a while to collect my thoughts and reflect on the killing, demonization and disrespect of Trayvon Martin. George Zimmerman shot and killed this 17 year old for for being "suspicious" in his relatives gated community as he walked with a hoodie carrying Skittles and an iced tea after a store run during the Super Bowl last February. The family didn't know he was in the morgue for 3 days, police wouldn't release the 911 tapes to them and treated their murdered child like a perpetrator with constant references to his being a "Black male" in the incident report. They needed international media coverage, marches and politicians to mobilize en masse before Zimmerman would even be arrested for anything. It's all been so heartbreaking as I look at his young full face and see the grieving faces of his parents on one more media outlet asking for simple justice.
But what has shocked me has been the little Black Enterprise interview with hip hop artist, David Banner, and his compelling analysis of the event. I'm shocked because no Black pundit put it down the way he did with an understanding of social power, the underlying issues America has with Black men and what Black folks need to do to effect any change. For me, this is one of the most shining moments in recent hip hop history. Insight, information and social critique used to be normal in hip hop, now we get to hear it after a tragedy by an MC who also happens to be a brave intellect, music producer and businessman.
As I think about it, I didn't see any brothers from the music industry in all the media coverage about the killing analyzing or voicing their outrage about it, at least not eloquently or with any real insight. The Miami Heat, politicians and actors have all put their hat in the ring with support but I couldn't find a prominent brother in the music business which has so much attention and influence on the minds of young Black men to make some noise the way Kanye West did back when he spoke honestly about George Bush during Katrina (even Chaka Khan produced a song in support). Wonder what's got their collective tongues tied? However, the exception is David Banner who put it in clear terms: that the fear of Black men and the fear of reprisals that haven't occurred from Black America, given the history of oppresion, puts people on edge and on the offensive to strike first, maybe because of some innate fear about the physicality of Black men, their perceived sexual prowess or the media's fixation with Black criminality. Maybe its a combination of all these things. But there's definitely something that makes people very uncomfortable with our men and feel that they have some power to control their behavior.
The state legislatures created the Stand Your "Redneck" Ground Law to give citizens the right to protect themselves if they feel threatened. How vague, you can feel threatened by anything, doesn't mean that anyone is actually threatening you. Arizona Governor, Janice Brewer, accosted our president when he deboarded Airforce One about something she didn't like in a book that he allegedly said. So she aggresively puts her finger in his face and lets him know how she feels. Afterwards during an interview about her conduct with the president, she said "I felt threatened". This was interesting since she ran up to him and was the aggressor, and incidentally the Secret Service should've had her ass face down on the tarmac. So basically you can aggress against a Black man, even the President, then claim to feel threatened and play the victim and get away with it the way she did. But can a Black man stand his ground if he feels threatened by Whites? Trayvon Martin was killed because he didn't make a White man feel comfortable. Period. Zimmerman's safety was never in question until he accosted a teenager who was doing nothing wrong. It's so sad and upsetting, the police are using their guns and badges to control the movement of any Black man they want to with unwarranted stop and frisk tactics and now average White citizens feel that extends to them too. There's been a growing sense that we are living in a police state, at least in the Black community. But as this case becomes clearer, it seems many whites feel deputized by their whiteness to control the behavior of Black men they deem threatening.
I like what David Banner says about this sense of fear the majority has about this unseen internal rage that we don't express, especially given all that's been done to us, and that there's this unspoken fear that we would seek reprisals if put under certain conditions, conditions like one more of our children being murdered for being a "suspect". I know how powerful a thing Black rage is, but the unhealthy truth is that we're more likely to turn that energy against each other. As David says, we're killing each other. We may rob or steal from them, but the greatest damage we do is to each other. But in this year of big political shenanigans, will we make the overarching issue the targetting of Black men by the criminal justice industry a real political issue that we can leverage? Every other group is lobbying and doing the political shuffles to get some of what they want but Black people. We get cast with President Obama's rising tide and hope our boat doesn't sink instead of holding our politicians accountable and leveraging our strong democratic votes to get government to address the contemporary nature of policing that is assisting in destroying our community.
There are broader systemic disparities we need to focus on like the mass incarceration of Black men, draconian stop and frisk tactics that cast drag nets in our neighborhoods to justify why cities keep increasing the numbers of police officers as crime rates drop. Drugs (the abuse and sale) in the White community goes undiscussed in the national dialogue on drugs and crime. Suffolk County, NY has an increasing problem with affluent young Whites addicted to heroine, but you won't see this at all on the evening news. Let's not even add to the mix the addiction and abuse of crystal meth, ecstasy and prescription pills that are at epidemic levels and overwhelming hospital ERs in certain parts of the country but you won't see that on 60 Minutes. Then, are the incarceration rates of Whites increasing alongside these increasing numbers of drug use? Are the police stopping and frisking White teens to catch all the drugs that are being made, used and sold in their communities? We can't let the Trayvon Martin case be relegated to one more of the injustices we have to suffer and hope and pray for a conviction.
There are bigger issues for us to pay attention to and force ourselves to wake up and take action. Wearing a hoodie as a sign of protest isn't enough. That silent, primal yell that so many of us had when we first saw the pictures of Trayvon in his football uniform, on the ski slopes or on horseback made many hearts ache because he could be our son, nephew or little cousin. He was a child from a solid family that gave him exposure to the bigger world and not the stereotype of the young black thug the media loves and sadly we've come to worship. They seemed to have done all the right things and shouldn't have had to bury their baby. But we don't do any favors to the rest of our youth struggling to stay alive with a bulls eye on their backs if we don't at least maintain a concerted effort to keep our agenda on policing alive and on the minds and pocket books of our law makers.
