I hung out in the house yesterday while the NYC marathoners whizzed down my block as I held down some domestic duties and caught up on some blog talk radio shows that I'd recently missed . Blogger Deborrah Cooper's, "Ask Heartbeat" show is a favorite of mine and never disappoints with critical analysis and investigation of all dating matters with a mature and wise perspective. She has bite and is often controversial, but is a clear voice and unapologetic advocate for women. I enjoy that show a lot and she had Steven James Dixon, author of "Men Don't Heal, We HO...The Emotional Instability Of Men" on to talk about men and their emotional lives, or I should say the lack thereof.
Now I'm often a little skeptical of all these self-proclaimed "relationship experts". I mean what exactly qualifies someone to be an expert on relationships? There's no college degree or certification program or years of professional experience that I know of to make someone qualify. But this brother brought it and I was so glad to listen. He chatted for about an hour about his personal journey to become successful in relationships and marriage just as he was in his business life. He opened up about the emotional emptiness a lot of men have and how they don't allow themselves to feel or are even able to recognize emotions in their mate. What he also focused on, for once, was the responsibility of leadership that falls on men in relationships. There's a lot of talk about women submitting to their husbands, but not a lot of talk about what's required of men beyond "provide and protect". He went as far as to say that the success of the relationship falls on the leadership of the man. I liked that. It was a paradigm shift since so much of what's said in the black community about relationships is directed towards women about "how to keep a man" and it challenged me personally to think further about the role of men in relationships and marriage (in an emotional dimension).
He even ended the show by saying that men know what to do, they know how to treat a woman, they just choose not to. His honesty made him real and 3-dimensional, not just some brother with a bunch of slogans and half-macho cliches about manhood and marriage. Simply put, it was real talk. He wants to see more successful marriages and encourages men especially to speak positively about marriage. That has always bothered me, the way many men blast marriage and talk about it so negatively that I've often wondered about the message they send to younger brothers regarding married life. (Yet it's funny how married men outlive single men and enjoy better health.) It was especially refreshing and timely since I just blogged a few weeks ago about the very issue of men dealing with their own emotional issues and expectations in relationships and to get some of this focus off of what black women need to do. Now here's a book brothers can buy, read and think about with their own introspection in mind. We all mature at a different pace but I've always believed it's never too late to grow up so I plan to order this book for a few men I know as they get ready for a new year and hope they'll explore and discover some things about themselves as we all try to grow and be better.
No comments:
Post a Comment